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Kelly Rissman
US News Reporter
A woman has decided to not wake up her boyfriend.
In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, she explained that the two of them live together and he struggles waking up because of his ADHD. “He sleeps through all of his alarms, which usually means he is late for work. Sometimes it´s only 10-15 minutes, but it can also stretch to 1 hour,” she wrote.
Although his boss does like him, he was recently given his last warning about showing up on time unless he loses his job. He has claimed that it is his girlfriend’s “responsibility” to wake him up, but she refuses.
“He is an adult, has known about his ADHD since he was a child, and should by now have found some method that works. Him making it my responsibility turns me into a caregiver, a mother, instead of a girlfriend,” the Reddit post read.
She has found different techniques and methods to help him, but he has refused to try them or they didn’t work. When she does wake him up, he normally falls back asleep. “Not to mention the fact that he is especially grumpy/angry in the mornings and has, on several occasions, yelled at me for both waking him up and for not waking him up. And I don’t want to help if he is just going to get mad (even though I know he doesn’t mean it),” she added.
“But when his boss gave him his last warning yesterday, I felt so much guilt. Because had I just woken him up, and been persistent, he wouldn´t be in this situation. So I am at an impasse. Is it my responsibility, am I in the wrong for not helping, or should he, as an adult, be able to do this by himself?” the post concluded.
After posting many people turned to the comments to defend the woman’s decision to not wake up her boyfriend, pointing out that he would need to do it himself if he was single.
“NTA, it’s not your responsibility. Should you break up tomorrow and move out he would have to get his own carcass out of bed on time. He’s out-sourcing what is his responsibility to you simply because you have allowed it to happen,” one comment began.
“If he’s not mature enough to maintain employment he’s absolutely not mature enough for a relationship.”
Another commenter agreed and even gave another solution that might be useful. “It’s up to him to find something that works. You’ve not described a single thing he, himself, has tried to resolve the problem, other than to make it your responsibility. If he’d tried everything he could think of and was asking you for help afterward that would be different,” they wrote.
“When I struggled to wake up for work I discovered it was because I was waking up in the dark so it was easy to snooze the alarm and fall back asleep. My solution was lights that sync with my alarm and by the time it goes off the room is fully lit. I know other people who have their alarm clocks on the other side of the room so they have to get up to turn them off. Or there are apps that monitor your sleep cycle and try to wake you up when you are closest to being awake.”
