This time of the year is filled with fun and festivities, holiday parties and family get-togethers, but with a busy schedule, there’s also ample time to commit a social faux pas. Should you bring a dish or does that impose on the host? Is it rude to come a few minutes late or would the host appreciate some extra time to get things ready?
We asked two etiquette experts to share their top holiday hosting “icks,” so you can sit back and enjoy your hot chocolate this year without worrying about offending your hosts. Below, take note of what not to do this year.
Meet the Expert
- Lisa Grotts, known as the Golden Rules Gal, is an etiquette expert, author, and public speaker focusing on traditional and modern manners.
- Kristi Spencer is an etiquette expert and founder of The Polite Company, which offers corporate training, dining etiquette, and image coaching.
Chewing With Your Mouth Open
We should all know this one by now, but when that delicious holiday food arrives but once a year, we don’t blame you for forgetting. Though I’m sure your hosts appreciate that you’re enjoying the meal, this may ruin the dining experience for your hosts and other guests.
“Mixing mashed potatoes and gravy on your plate is fine, but not with your mouth,” Lisa Grotts, an etiquette expert says.
The fix? Chew slowly, and with your mouth closed, taking smaller, appropriate bites.
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Arriving Too Early
You’re ready to go early, so why not pop over to your friends’ party and help them tidy up? That’s a nice gesture, right? Wrong. Unless you’re expressly invited to come early, it’s best to show up 10 to 20 minutes after a party begins.
“While the intention may be to help, showing up ahead of time can interrupt those final preparations and add unnecessary stress,” Kristi Spencer, etiquette expert and founder of The Polite Company says. “Think vacuuming in hot rollers, which is not exactly the welcome a host wants to give.”
If you do end up arriving early, we get it—holiday traffic can be unpredictable—but don’t make it your hosts’ responsibility to entertain you.
“If you get there early, congratulations,” Spencer says. “Now take a quick drive around the block or check your texts in the car until it’s time to make your timely entrance.”
Double-Dipping in the Veggie Platter
It wouldn’t be a holiday party without an assortment of dips, and no one will really notice if a carrot gets a second dunk in ranch, right? Etiquette pros say not to risk it.
“Sharing is caring, except when it involves germs,” Grotts says. “Double-dipping contaminates the communal dip, making it unappealing for others. Place your portion on your plate, or stick to a single, clean dip for everyone’s sake.”
If you witness double dipping yourself as a host, don’t stay quiet. Grotts recommends mentioning it in a lighthearted tone and encourage the offender to put more on his or her plate so everyone can enjoy the dip.
Arriving With No Enthusiasm
We get it—the holidays are busy. When you’re arriving to your fifth holiday party of the season, it’s easy to accidentally seem exhausted, but it can leave a bad taste for your hosts.
“The host has likely spent hours planning, cooking, and decorating, so showing up looking like you’d rather be anywhere else or not joining in on the fun can really dampen the mood,” Spencer says.
This can be easily turned around by arriving with a smile and saying a quick hello to everyone in the room. Introverts don’t fret, you don’t have to be the star of the show, but making an effort helps.
“If you are not naturally outgoing, don’t worry about it, you don’t have to be the life of the party,” Spencer says. “Simply joining in on the activities will help you relax and promote conversations.”
Trying Too Hard to Impress
You can’t wait to share your big promotion news, tell everyone about that new car you just bought and how your house renovations are going, when all of a sudden it seems like no one is interested. What gives?
“Confidence is key, but over-the-top attempts to shine can feel forced and off-putting,” Grotts says. “Natural conversations are far more memorable than any exaggerated ‘show’ of charm.”
If you find yourself caught up in your own achievements this holiday, take a moment to engage with others at the table, ask questions about their lives, and listen to their stories, Grotts says.
“Authenticity is the best way to leave a lasting impression,” Grotts says.
Staying Glued to Your Phone
It may seem harmless to scroll a few TikToks on your phone or check the score, but etiquette experts warn that too much time on your phone can be off-putting.
“When guests are glued to their phones, it prevents real connection with others,” Spencer says. “Snap a group picture to remember the night, but then tuck your phone away and enjoy the good times and great conversations.”
While we’re all used to having our phones on us 24/7, sometimes it’s best to put them away and plan on checking them minimally throughout the night.
“It’s much easier to resist the temptation if it’s not in your pocket, so tuck it away for the evening and focus on connecting with the people around you,” Spencer says.
